As I’m sitting here, trying to write my blog post, I’m trying to ignore the fact that it has been too many months since I’ve posted anything on here. I know that readers don’t like it when bloggers do that- it loses people, and it makes it harder to want to come back and read anything that is posted later on. I’m not here to convince my readers to stick with me, I’m here to say that I’m simply human- and things have not been the greatest in life as of late.
Honestly, I considered coming on here, making a brief apology and a promise saying that I would not wait so long to write another post, and then continue on giving advice and describing my life. However, I would be doing myself, and my readers, a disservice. After all, this is a blog about a wife’s point of view and the things that I go through on a day to day, week to week, month to month basis- right? Well, here goes what has happened since my last blog post.
As you may have guessed from the title, my life over the past few months has been one of those “hard times” in life that I know everyone goes through. I should have tried harder to keep up with my blog throughout what was going on, but, being the new wife and the new blogger that I am, I honestly did not handle things very well and I shut myself away from the world and hid in my dark place. Yes, I have a dark place. A place that I put my mind and my heart when things are rough, when the anxiety takes over, and when the depression kicks in. And honestly, there were numerous times over the past few months that I stored myself away in that dark place. It was not a good idea, and though I’m finally coming out of that place, even now I am struggling with the leftover emotions of depression and anxiety. Without going into too much detail, here is an overview of what has been going on:
- Joseph and I made a decision to finally move out of the 900 square foot house we have been in since we got married. It got to the point that we felt cramped in here, plus we wanted to expand our living place for the future hope of a bigger family.
- The decision to move turned from a place only a few minutes away, to a place all the way over in another city about an hour and a half away. Though I ended up agreeing with him on the move, it was very hard on me and I didn’t not handle the change very well until recently.
- Things got very tense with my parents, who only live a few houses down from our small house here. We made the mistake of not sharing with them right away that we were moving, and it created a lot of heartbreak when they found out. In turn, things became stressful between them and us, until there was a boiling point and we all had to sit down and talk about it. (That is now resolved, and things are much better now with that)
- Things went downhill spiritually with me and Joseph, and it became increasingly difficult to stay on the same page together emotionally and spiritually.
- I fell into my state of depression, and my anxiety levels increased dramatically, which of course did not help any of these situations.
Of course, there were many other things that came about that I will not mention for sake of time, but these are the basics of what was going on. There have been a lot of changes, and I simply did not handle them very well. This week, however, I feel like I’ve finally seen the sunlight through the dark clouds of doubt and depression that has been looming over me for some time now. I don’t think I am fully out of it yet, but I can definitely see the goodness and light in life right now.
Above it all, however, I know that the Lord has been with me through it all. It was difficult, most days, to realize that- but God helped me to keep the faith through these hard times. There were many a days where I felt as though God was silent, though. There were days that I cried, and wept, and begged God to help- but He felt it best to keep silent. I’m glad He did, though, because it helped me to realize how much more I truly need His presence with me day by day. No, I don’t have any profound words of wisdom to share right now- all I can say is that you must continue to trust daily in Him and His word. Though things may be tough, God knows the end of the struggles. And honestly, that should be enough to keep us trudging along.
And that’s why I decided to finally write a blog post. I know I must keep up with my blog, and I have many other posts that I need to write that I’ve been saving, so there will be more to come. So here’s to trying again- here’s to turning my life back into something normal. Cheers!
“For we walk by faith, not by sight.” II Corinthians 5:7 KJV
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